Learning to be patient

Ok so here is where we are at the moment, we have been officially trying for about 3 weeks now and I know how impatient this sounds but I can’t help feeling surprised that I’m not pregnant yet! I know, I know this is the talk of a crazy person and it doesn’t just happen as soon as we decide we are going to try.

I have heard many stories about friends of friends of friends who decided to stop taking the pill and BAM became pregnant within the first week!  This got me thinking about a film I saw recently ‘He’s just not that into you’ the leading lady convinces herself that her bad relationships will all work out in the end because someone once told her a friend of a friend of a friend who they know who’s boyfriend cheated on her completely changed and now they are married and in love and ridiculously happy ß This is the exception to the rule! For the most part men who cheat on their girlfriend’s won’t change and vice versa so why am I tormenting myself with impatient thoughts wondering why am I not pregnant yet? I am not the exception, I am the rule and the rules state:

The Stats

Statistically a healthy, fertile couple have a 1 in 20-25% chance of conceiving at each cycle, with approximately 80% falling pregnant within 12 months of actively trying. This approximately translates to 25% of couples getting pregnant in the first month of trying, 60% within 6 months, 75% within 9 months and 90% within a year and a half.
(care of www.askbaby.com)

Let me just re-assure you, I am not naive and know full well that the chances of falling pregnant within the first couple of months are slim but when you make that decision that you want to start a family that tiny little part of you, the same part that can’t wait until the cupcakes are cool to eat one, the same part that shakes Christmas gifts under the tree to guess what they might be – that part of you wants it now!   

My mother being the wonderful woman she is offered me some words of wisdom, she said:

‘Instead of thinking about it as trying to get pregnant,
think of it as not trying to stop yourself getting pregnant’

I’m going to start thinking of it this way (shhh even though I know it’s pretty much the same thing!), it seems to take some of the pressure off somehow! Stress levels play a major part in conception so the more I can de-stress the better, maybe ill have a nice long hot bubble bath later and really unwind!

So what am i?

Ok so I’ve just read an article on Any Other Wedding’s Blog about an article she came across entitled ‘Too old to get drunk and party, too young to talk about nappies: A Young Mum’s trials.’ I have to agree with Fliss on this one even the title enraged me but it also got me thinking about what is the perfect age to start your family?

One would assume that the perfect time is when you feel ready? Others might suggest it’s when you are settled into your own home and are financially stable? I thought I would do a bit of research to find out just what is the perfect time in life to have a baby. Here is some of the information I have found:

Teenage Mums (19 and Under)

Positives

1. You have loads of natural energy and physical resilience, so you'll breeze through the sleepless nights and energy-draining demands a newborn baby makes on you.
2. You don't have a job to worry about, so you can concentrate fully on being a mum.
3. You're young enough to relate more easily to your child as she grows up.

Negatives

1. You are more likely to give birth prematurely or have a low birth-weight baby, and you are at increased risk of developing complications during pregnancy.
2. You are still growing yourself. This can affect the development of the placenta, which in turn can affect your baby's health. Babies born to teenage mothers are at increased risk of suffering health problems.
3. You may lack the emotional maturity needed to deal with motherhood and all the sacrifices you'll have to make.
4. The vast majority of teenage mums end up as single parents.
5. Your baby will interfere with your education, and unless you're incredibly determined, you'll find it difficult to catch up.

Young Mums (in your 20’s)

Positives

1. Your fertility reaches its peak in your early 20s.
2. You are fit and full of energy.
2. You're young enough to cope physically with the demands of a new baby.
3. You are more likely to be in a stable relationship with a steady income.
4. Your body is ready for pregnancy. But because you're still young, it's supple and flexible enough to recover quickly too.

Negatives

1. Your social life will suffer. You can't go out clubbing with your mates every night.
2. Work might just be taking off and it will have to take a back seat.
3. You've just got used to having your own money to spend on yourself now it's going on a baby.

Mid-Life Mums (in your 30’s)

Positives

1. You're more mature and ready to make the sacrifices required.
2. You're financially stable and therefore more likely to be able to cope with a break from work.
3. Studies show that women who wait until their 30s actually enjoy better health, live longer and end up having healthier babies.

Negatives

1. You could find it more difficult to get pregnant. At 35, you are half as fertile as you were at 25, which means it can take much longer for you to get pregnant in your late 30s.
2. You have an increased risk of miscarriage. Genetic disorders such as Downs syndrome also become more likely every year.
3. The physical demands of pregnancy and caring for a newborn baby - especially sleepless nights may be harder for you to deal with.

Mature Mums (40+)

Positives

1. You are older, wiser and ready to devote yourself to motherhood.
2. You are financially stable.
3. Your working life is more likely to be settled and secure and you will find it easier to take a maternity break.

Negatives

1. Your fertility is in steady decline.
2. You may have to resort to IVF or other fertility treatments which are expensive, unpredictable and physically and emotionally draining.
3. You're more likely to suffer complications in pregnancy such as pre-eclampsia, and are more at risk of needing a Caesarean or forceps delivery.
3. The risk of having a baby with Downs syndrome is about 1 in 28 for a mother who is 45.
4. You will have less energy to cope. Without help, you'll be worn out!

In my opinion in this day and age I would say the perfect time of life to start a family is mid 20’s to early 30’s this age range seems to have the best positive points and the least important negatives. I fall into the average age group as I am 26.

There are no rules on when you should start a family and so there shouldn’t, each person’s situation and circumstance is different, am I the perfect age to start a family, yes, would I say it’s the perfect time to start a family, no! There will always be some aspect of your life that isn’t perfect and if we hang on until it is we may well be waking up at Sunny Acres Retirement home thinking where did my life go?!

If you feel the time is right, that’s all that matters!

Information on research available at www.goodtoknow.co.uk

Making the decision. . .

After a lot of thought and much discussion Rob and I have decided now is the time we want to start trying for a baby! We knew that after we got married in February we wouldn’t want to wait a long time until we made a start because let’s face it no one can ever be sure just how long it’s going to take to conceive. The thought of struggling to get pregnant has always been a major concern of mine. When I was 20 I had to undergo an emergency operation to remove a huge dermoid cyst that had developed on my left ovary, one evening I crawled into be in immense pain and after enduring it for 3 hours Rob rushed me into hospital, I was scanned and just 4 days later I was waking up in the recovery room minus one cyst, one ovary and one fallopian tube.  I remember thinking to myself what if that’s it now? No children?

The doctor assured me that I should have no trouble conceiving, that I have just as much chance with one ovary as I did with two and however comforting this was I always knew I wanted to get a head start just in case we were to struggle, I wanted to be young enough to endure the medical help procedures like IVF should we need to go down that route!

So to conclude Rob and I have made the first steps to trying for a baby. We have cleaned out the flat and sorted out all out knick knacks that we need to get rid of to de-clutter, I have been to see the doctor and talked through steps I need to take to prepare my body for pregnancy, we are taking step to a healthier lifestyle along with taking a Folic Acid supplement and we have started a Baby Fund! Rob brought me this adorable saving pot..



www.houseofcards.co.uk

We are now thinking very carefully about every non-essential purchase we make and if we decide we don’t in fact need that new black vest or a Chinese take away we are putting all that extra cash into our pot!